The Need for Female Bonding

The need for bonding: single, married, married with kids, single with kids, married with pet monkeys, whatever - theres this innate need for females to socialize and bond with a member of the same gender. This does not change after one is married.

There's some notion out there that once you've found your soulmate, your heart is quenched, the empty spot in your soul is now full, and you have no need for any additional forms of companionship.

Obviously, a male member of our society came up with this notion.

I dont know what it is, but Fasahat can go for weeks without engaging in some sort of social activitiy while I on the other hand, will go through full-fledged withdrawal symptoms without a healthy dose of good conversation. I almost had a depressive meltdown after one of two and a half weeks of nights on my first rotation, where I slumbered while others enjoyed the summer . I got moody, I got bitchy, and yes, my husband asked me if it was "my time of the month". I realized that there are only so many weekends that can go by without spending some time with good friends.

I know this is a vast generalization, but ill go ahead and propose it anyway: for some reason, it seems guys are perfectly OK without that connection. Most girls Ive talked to about this feel like myself - that making those connections and keeping those close ties effects our sense of self in so many ways. Maybe its an under 30 thing, I dont know (It seems like at 30 all of a sudden u turn into that confident, self sufficent woman you thought you'd never be in ur 20's).

I'm not talking about merely socializing. I'm talking about those heart-to-hearts, those conversations that could go on forever, the stories that are shared that you can so relate to. After I dont know how long, I just spent a few invaluable hours tonight re-discovering just how important this experience is for me. Its food for my soul. Regardless of the fact that I've been married for four years (well... five if you start counting from my nikkah....), I still need that essential female exchange. Talking about difficult experiences such as leaving your family after marriage helps to heal old wounds, long after the event has actually occurred. There are certain core events that occur in a woman's life that must be shared with another, to relieve tension, to dissipate saddness, to at least acknowledge with another that someone else has felt that pain and has also risen above it. Most importantly, it provides us with spiritual nourishment. We admire each other for unique experiences, but most importantly, admirable coping mechanisms. These montras are internalized within us as well, and we use the exchange as a learning experience. We inspire each other to be better, to not settle for less and to expect more from ourselves.

When it was time to part this evening, a familiar warmth filled my body as I hugged my friend goodbye. I smiled to myself, thanking God for another blessing He has given me this month. Fasting, prayers and extra good deeds are essential for spritual growth. For me, relating to another being, solidifying a friendship, and instilling new motivation prod me along that same eternal path.